Penguin Secrets
by Ems602
Summary: Kowalski is acting strangely, and the penguins try to find out why. But what will happen when they do? This summary sucks. My first fanfic, so please no flaming, but constructive criticism welcome. Rated T just in case, with 1 OC. I do not own the penguins of Madagascar. I invented Seth. PM me if you want to use him!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

"Here it is. The edge-of-insanity-kiss-your-butt-goodbye-gravity's- a-stone-cold-sucker-nightmare-test-track-of doom!**(Author's note: If you get the reference, post it in the comments, and your reward will be my eternal amazement that anyone could know that reference)** Who's going first?" said Skipper, gesturing at the monstrosity behind him. The other penguins looked at it nervously, and Kowalski and Private stepped back as one, leaving Rico standing in front of the car.

Skipper said, "Well, I guess you two are nancy cats, so Rico goes first! Now, you'll want to skip the leopard bit,**(Author's note: it's a reference hint!)** because it's actually that unsafe, and we can't operate out of the doctors office for weeks while you heal, but the-" He stopped, and waved his hand in front of the faces of Private and Rico. "Hello? EARTH TO RICO, DO YOU COPY? What is so interesting behind my head that you won't listen?

Private didn't answer, so Skipper turned around. Kowalski had taken the car before his turn and was driving the course flawlessly.

Skipper muttered, "Well, looks like someone doesn't like being called a nancy- WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING? IT'S SUPPOSED TO TEACH YOU THAT SOMETIMES, IT'S OKAY TO GIVE UP WHEN IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! STOP THE CAR!" Kowalski didn't appear to hear him, driving straight toward the starving leopard. Rico covered Private's eyes, while Skipper belly-slid towards the leopard full tilt, attempting to distract it from the car to no avail.

The car drove straight past the leopard, who didn't give it a second glance. It slid neatly into the finish line parking space. Kowalski got out, a smug grin on his face. "And that's how it's done".

Skipper couldn't believe his eyes. His mouth hung open. "B-b-but it was impossible! Your dangerometer said so!"

"Skipper, have you ever known one of my inventions to work? Ever?" said Kowalski, walking towards the base entrance jauntily.

Skipper didn't respond. Something was fishy here. Oh, wait- that was just dinner time. He resolved to keep an eye on Kowalski.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

At dinner, Kowalski excused himself early, saying he had a "thing" to do in the lab. As soon as he left, Skipper began talking very fast in a low voice. "Something's up with Kowalski, and I intend to find out what. That course was impossible for any of us, _especially _him, and he aced it. That leopard was starving, and it didn't notice the meat passing two inches from his nose. He actually felt insulted by the term nancy cat. He acknowledged that his inventions don't work. And there hasn't been an explosion from inside his laboratory for days. Whatever he's doing in there, it's not inventing".

"Skipper, I would normally say that all that is your paranoia talking, but I agree." said Private. Rico said, "Uh-huh", and coughed up a stick of dynamite. Skipper snuffed it out, and opened the door to the lab.

Kowalski was hunched over a square frame with writhing purple tentacles of lightning emanating from the corners, all leading towards an unseen object in the middle of the frame. He heard them come in, and spun around, covering the frame with his body.

"Skipper, I can explain! It's- uhh- Jiggles! Yeah, I kept a Jiggles from the moon rocket and modified him, and he was in the car, and he's the thing I'm covering with my body!"

Skipper shook his head slowly. "You, Kowalski, are a _terrible_ liar. But what's so bad that Jiggles is better?"

Kowalski sighed. "Skipper, I cannot tell you that. Do whatever you want to me, but _please_, don't look behind me. Lives depend on it". Skipper was angry. "Whose lives, Kowalski? Whose?"

"I wish with all my heart I could tell you, Skipper, but I just can't!" Kowalski said miserably. Skipper sighed. "We're wasting our time, boys. Kowalski, step away. Don't make me hurt you!"

Kowalski said, "I never wanted this. Never. But you leave me no choice". And with that, he revealed what was behind him.

**OMG WHAT COULD IT BE! Ok, I'll tell you. Just go to the next chapter...**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

It was Kowalski lying in the frame, a cord attached to the back of his head, and it was Kowalski, standing there looking at their confused faces. It made no sense to Skipper. If Kowalski had cloned himself, why would he be so secretive about it?

Then, it hit him. "You there, what's something only Kowalski would know?" The Kowalski who was standing said, "You don't have to do that, Skipper. He is the original. I wanted to tell you, but Kowalski said I couldn't. Kowalski's word is my law. But now I can tell you everything, and you'll be able to save him!"

Skipper, who had been formulating plans of attack, said incredulously "Save him? You trapped him and are keeping him unconscious in an energy prison! Why would the clone who overthrew him want to SAVE HIM?"

"That's not even close to what's going on. I didn't trap him, and I'm not a clone. But I know how all this looks. Please, Skipper. Let me tell you everything" said the standing Kowalski.

Skipper thought carefully for a while. Finally, he said "If you make a single move I don't get explained to me beforehand, I will authorize Rico to blow you to smithereens. Sit there, and start talking. Now".

The now-seated Kowalski said, "Skipper, I am going to show you what I really look like, and I would appreciate if you told Rico to take his finger off the trigger. My appearance can be... startling". And with that, the hologram of Kowalski flickered off, revealing a robot that looked just like Kowalski. But, you know, metal.

**There, I told you. Minds blown yet? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four **(the chapter where I switch from third person to first person)**

SKIPPER

I didn't understand yet. But I understood more than before. A robot's reflexes could easily navigate the test track. A leopard wouldn't smell a robot and think it was food. I said, "So, you were made by Kowalski. And what, pray tell, is your prime directive?

The robot replied, "I was to be Master Kowalski's secret assistant, and do whatever he said. May I continue the story now?

I said, "Sure you can, mr ... What should I call you?" The robot sighed. "Kowalski never named me, fearing that he would become emotionally attached to me, his greatest invention. All his others go wrong, and he could not believe that I was flaw free. Which I am. He did not want me to become like a son to him, only to blow up. But I could not become like his son nameless".

Private walked over to the robot, and gave him a hug. I forced myself to say "Private! He might be an enemy! Does this unit hug enemies? I don't think so!" But deep inside, beneath all the layers of raving paranoia, I found myself trusting him.

Private looked at me funny. "But Skipper, he said he never even had a name! Princess Self-Respectra of the Lunacorns always said-"

The robot interrupted. "Actually, all I said was that Kowalski never named me. I named myself Seth. Now, can I please tell you why Master Kowalski is unconscious?

I bit back a snarky comment and gestured for him to continue. Seth said, "Thank you. Master Kowalski was going to surprise you with the Penguin 2.0 project once he was sure it worked. Please hold all questions, Rico. It was designed to be the next step in penguin evolution. Basically, he genetically engineered the perfect penguin, and then made it even better. See that cord on the back of his head? It runs to that computer, which is compiling his brain. When that's done, it'll upload him to his penguin 2. frame is just to keep him from thrashing. He'll have his mind inside the ultimate penguin body. " I interrupted. "Isn't that from a movie about blue aliens?" Seth said, "Yes, but this one's meant to be permanent, and the process is actually vastly different. You want to see the future of penguinkind? The penguin 2.0s are in there". He gestured towards an inconspicuous door that I had never noticed before.

I started towards the door, but then stopped as I processed his last few words. "Seth, did you just say penguin 2.0s? As in plural?" In response, the metallic Kowalski-shaped borg stood up, opened the door, and led us in.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

PRIVATE

We were in a chamber made entirely of metal. There were four metal cylinders lining one wall, with a control panel in front of each. The majority of the room was filled with supercomputers. We squeezed between two rows of Crays, and Seth typed in a code on the first control panel. The door opened to reveal another Skipper. Skipper said "If he says the words Kung Fu, or dirty birdies for that matter, I will bash his brains in".

I asked Seth, "When did Kowalski get Skipper's DNA? We threw out the spit cups from the female incident, and I don't remember another DNA sample taking since then. Seth looked around nervously and said in a whisper, "Yeah, Kowalski may have done blood draws while everyone was sleeping". I was confused. "Why are we whispering about it? It's just- oh. Needles scare Skipper. Never mind".

Seth turned to Skipper and said brightly, "So, Skipper! Yours comes with an enlarged plan-making brain center, super strength and faster-than-normal speed. Not superspeed, your brain could never handle that. But only a little slower than a cheetah".

Skipper, looking slightly annoyed, said "I'll forgive the insult to my brain, but only because I got super strength". I was curious. "What does mine have, Seth? Does it look like a Lunacorn? DOES IT?"

Seth laughed. "If the body looked like a Lunacorn, you wouldn't be able to move it properly for months, and Alice would find out the entire operation as soon as she saw you. Is that really what you want?" I shook my head.

Seth typed a command. "Yours comes with extra cuteness, making your hypercute three times as effective, and full superspeed. Your brain is still young. It can adapt to superspeed effectively. Sorry if you feel insulted, Skipper, but it's the truth." The door swung open, and a clone of me stood inside.

It was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. And yet, to see myself standing there just felt wrong. Cloning was now officially on my list of creepy technologies. It had gotten quite long, thanks to- Wait a minute.

"So what happened to Kowalski? You said the computer was compiling his brain, and then he would be in his new body, but it's been, I dunno, three days since I thought he was acting weird, and that makes it three days that he's been compiling! This room is filled with powerful computers. Shouldn't he be done by now?"

Seth was going on about the features standard to each P2.0, when he stopped and hit himself in the head. "I'm so stupid sometimes! I got carried away about the P2.0s. Kowalski _isn't _compiling. It takes too much computing power at any one time. The only way to save him is to finish the process. The only way to do _that _is to coordinate every computer on the planet, and route them all through here. And doing that, without an experienced hacker, would blow your cute and cuddly cover sky-high.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

SKIPPER

I paled. "An experienced hacker? But-"** - IMPORTANT! CRUCIAL! MEANINGFUL! HE HAS A SECRET, FOLKS!** I was interrupted, however, by the sound of cleaning mixed with the sound of my least favorite lemur in existence. How could I hear that from here? Then I remembered. It was Good Neighbor Day at the zoo,** (So I used a plot device. Big deal.)** and we'd told Ringtail that if he didn't participate, we'd let Mort touch his feet.**- Julien says: The horror! THE HORROR!** He must have been vacuuming our base, though how he got in was a mystery to me.

And then I realized a horrifying fact. "Guys, please tell me I miscounted the vacuum cleaners. Tell me there's more than one. Tell me that. TELL ME! I was practically sobbing. Rico and Private looked at each other, at me, and then down the hall behind me. I saw their light bulb moments, and then I saw the horror that replaced the light bulb. Rico held up one shaking flipper. He grunted the word one. And then, he grunted something that sounded an awful lot like, "that is currently employed as Kuchikukan's prison. **(the wiki at wiki/Operation:_Lunacorn_Apocalypse says he went back in the urn. NOT TRUE. **

I gave a pep talk. "Men, it is likely that Kuchikukan has taken Ringtail's body for his own. We shouldn't have to kill him, because I had Kowalski build something that can extract him from whatever he's possessing. And come to think of it, I have no clue how it works.

Men, Ringtail may not have ever been our friend, but he still deserves to not have to live with himself after having something make him destroy the world. So, unless we can make that thingamadoodle work in under thirty seconds by punching buttons, we will have to *sniff* terminate Ringtail".

A voice came from behind me. "That won't be necessary, Skipper. Kowalski taught me how to use all his inventions. I can extract Kuchikukan, and we can bury him inside the ray gun in a block of concrete at the bottom of the river. Ringtail, annoying as he is, doesn't deserve to die. But I'll need a distraction".

"Seth, if the situation were any different, I'd leave you in here, with Private making sure you didn't do anything. But under the circumstances, you're our only hope, so distraction it is!"

**I officially cannot write battle scenes. Soooo... I do this instead!**

A few minutes later, I was tied up next to Rico and Seth, and Private's struggling form was being carried towards us. The ray gun that had been out only hope was lying just out of reach. Kuchikukan was laughing. "I, Kuchikukan, Destroyer of Worlds, have at long last captured my new nemeses, and all without the sword of Shingen being broken!"

I was, to put it extremely politely, annoyed to the point of wanting to take Kuchikukan's essence, drop it in a vat of gasoline, and add a lit match to the mix. "I could have been possessed by the ghost of one of the greatest military strategists ever, and I completely forgot! Plus, he might have been able to turn this around." I shook my head. "Booty-shaking. Never expected that to be a viable fighting technique. Certainly not one that could defeat me!"

"And now, for my next trick, I, the Destroyer of Worlds, will saw three penguins and a robot in half!" Suddenly, the King Julien I knew broke through. "If you're the destroyer of worlds, doesn't killing penguins mean you're setting your sights a little low?" Then, Kuchikukan was back. "That's next up. Right now, it's payback time!" I closed my eyes as he picked up our largest kitchen knife and hefted it, but I could still tell it was descending towards my neck.

**No, there is no character death in this fanfic. Yet. Of course, I still need to write the next chapter. Unlike the others, which were already written by today. Have fun waiting! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA**


	7. Chapter 7

**I just want to say, thank you all for the level of support you've given me. I mean, I haven't even had this account for long enough to private message you thanking you, so I'm shouting it to the world instead! Also, props to Jet Engine for guessing my Phineas and Ferb reference. *bows* WE'RE NOT WORTHY!**

Chapter seven

SETH

I may be a robot, but Master Kowalski- whoops, I'm supposed to leave the Master off of his name- _Kowalski_ gave me a personality chip. That's why I do irrational things, even when my programming says otherwise. Like hitting myself on the head earlier, or feeling insulted by the term nancy cat. It's how I sound human, not like an answering machine. And it's why I feel emotion. Like fear. Happiness. And, right now, surprise. The knife had stopped, like it had hit a forcefield. Suddenly, Private burst out laughing. Kuchikukan scowled. "What-is-so-funny?" Each word was punctuated by a swing of the knife. Private couldn't contain his mirth. "That's the butter knife! You know, Shingen's sword? We use it for victory sandwiches."

Kuchikukan snorted. "Seriously? You just gave it away! All I have to do is switch knives!" Skipper was annoyed. "Kuchikukan, may I have the last request of slapping Private for effectively killing us all?" Kuchikukan ignored him. He grabbed the second biggest knife, which Rico used for sushi. He didn't gloat. He didn't banter. He just swung at Skipper's neck.

This time, the interruption wasn't a forcefield. It was a grenade dropping through the feed bowl hole. Kuchikukan dove away, the tip of the blade missing Skipper's face by a hair's breadth. The grenade went off, throwing the four of us into the corner, behind a crate. Skipper ended up with the only view or combat, while the others ended up with views of concrete wall, or in Rico's (painful) case, concrete floor. Though all of us were in pain. Yes, I can feel pain. Kowalski didn't want me to melt my arm off without noticing again, so he added nerves. What can I say? I was meant to be lifelike.

Skipper was nervous. "Seth, we're facing one, possibly two groups of hostiles. I want you to put up your Kowalski hologram. You know, for the unknown party in the equation. I don't want them to know who you really are. You can be the 'one last trick up our sleeves'. Comprende?"

I responded by engaging my hologram, adding a few bruises for good measure. I saw Skipper whistle approvingly. "I would never know, except by the fact that my flipper goes half an inch past where your skin should be. Kowalski couldn't include a forcefield in the projector?" Then, he looked back at the fighting, and got a strange expression on his face. He muttered, "They knew what the raygun did! How long have they been watching us?" A loud crash came from an unknown source. Then, a friendly sounding voice said, "It's okay, Julien, he's gone. You're the soul in charge of your own body now. Now, why don't you leave, and get the 'royal booty' back to tip-top dancing shape?" Private looked confused. "Skipper, why do I know that voice? And how does that voice know King Julien?"

The voice had apparently heard us, because it said, "Oh, I've known you for a long, long time. For some of that time, you knew me! But times change, and I have my own unit now. No offense, but I don't want to come back anymore. Though I will be keeping an eye on you, so you don't end up decapitated like you were about to just now. So, no hard feelings, but-" At this, his voice became muffled, in a gas-mask-esque way- "The knockout gas will kick in any second." At that point, a gas began to hiss out from something in the unknown speaker's hand. I felt the gas corroding vital wires, and as circuits degraded and failed, I felt my self-repair systems kick in. But the gas was still hissing, and I estimated I had only seconds before I shut down. As footsteps echoed through the room, the last thing I heard was Skipper's voice.

"Why, Johnson?"

**Ohsnap. I just opened the Manfredi and Johnson can of worms. And if you're reading my explanation for all the conflicting deaths, which isn't up yet, and you used it first, rest assured I made it up without ever reading a fanfic featuring it. Just FYI.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Woot Woot! 100 views! As a reward to those of you who made it happen, I am introducing (wait for it) A SUBPLOT! **

**Actually, to be honest, I had it written anyway. I just figured I'd say that. **

**So, instead, I will be doing DOUBLE AUTHOR'S NOTES THIS CHAPTER! You know, as the reward...**

Chapter eight

KING JULIEN

I grumbled all the way back to the royal kingdom. Honestly. I join in on Good Neighbor Day, and all that ends up happening is I get the royal booty kicked repeatedly for something I didn't even do! Stupid penguins. Well, I wasn't about to let my day stay ruined for long. I figured the penguins were being affected by whatever gas it was that had given my royal brain a headache. They wouldn't be out and about stopping me from having fun for a while.** (And we all know how Julien has fun. By throwing too-loud parties! Yeah, this author's note has no real content to it...)**

As I jumped down off the habitat wall, a fast-moving brown blur launched itself at the royal feet. I kicked Mort away, and walked over to Maurice. "Your Majesty! Did you finish with the Good Neighbor Day chores?"

Then, it hit me. "Yes, Maurice, but I have terrible news! The penguins have CAPTURED a SKY SPIRIT! It tried to use me to escape them, but this other penguin came in and stopped me from exacting Sky Spirit justice. Though, I could have sworn the Sky Spirits didn't appreciate murder". Maurice looked worried. "King Julien, why don't you start from the top?" **(Poor Julien. He's got it all wrong. Although, 'Kuchikukan the sky spirit'. Hmmm. *muses*)**

"And that was pretty much it. Though, I do remember something was up with the brainy penguin. I can't remember exactly what. Maybe I'll remember sometime. I hope I do. Things being up with the brainy penguin is never good. Oh, and Maurice?"

"Y-Yeah, King Julien?" I smiled, and said, "Thank you for reminding me of the time with the giant horsey and Mort being not Mort. (**So, yeah, in case you have no clue who Kuchikukan is, watch Operation: Lunacorn Apocalypse. Very informative, as it is the only episode with him in it.)**I actually thought the penguins had a Sky Spirit in their base, trapped. Was I being silly or what?"

Maurice looked stunned. "Did... you just… you know… thank me? No, I must be dreaming". He slapped himself. "Nope. This is real life? No- it's probably a hallucination. Or insanity. Except Kowalski told me that insane people think they're sane. Well, then again, look at Skipper. He admitted he wasn't sane with the invisible lion.**(Man, I loved that episode. Are the songs from it on ITunes? Don't answer that- I'll check later.) ** But-" I cut him off. "Are you not going to say 'you're welcome' to the king?"

Maurice decided it was naptime, and fell down.**(Poor Maurice. He fainted. I would say I pity him, but I made it happen.)** I realized I was tired as well. So, I laid down on the royal throne and snoozed.

_I was back in the Penguin's basey-thingy. I was holding a sword, and the one they call, what was it,_ _Noneofyourbeeswax,_**_(Please_**** tell me you get it)** _was laughing about butter. Then, my head turned slightly to the right. The smarty-pants one… could it be… was he-_

"King Julien! Wake up!" I opened my eyes, and Maurice was standing over me. He pointed at my feet. Mort was trying to eat my toe. I kicked. "NOOOOOOO! THE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! Bring me back to the feet!"**(Why did Maurice wake him about Mort, you ask? You say he would let Julien sleep? Well, I say it's my story!)**

Then, I remembered what I had just seen. "Maurice, we need to go stop the brainy penguin. He's actually *turns on flashlight and shines it for scary face highlighting* a water spirit!"

Maurice looked confused. "Where'd you get that- never mind. There are water spirits too?" I hit myself on the head. "Yes, Maurice. They are the evil ones. They can look like anyone, but they have to turn back to water once a day. He didn't do it when he was alone, so he had to when I was there!" Maurice was confused. "How can you be sure it was water?" I laughed. "The Sky spirits showed me the past in a dream. The penguin was 'reflective'. Reflective equals water! But I am onto him now. Let's go get that backwoods magic using baboon, Darla. She can show Skipper the truth".

**See? Subplot! Not a very good subplot, because I was pressed for time, but I'll figure out where to go with it.**

**So, to summarize, Julien now has it in for Seth, who he thinks is a "water spirit" because metal is shiny, and so is water. It's not a complete summary, but I'm not writing any more.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine  
PRIVATE  
I blearily opened my eyes. I was lying in my bunk. Why had Skipper not woken me up? Had something happened to him? "Skipper?"  
To my relief, I heard Skipper groan beneath me. "Skipper, why didn't you wake me up?" Skipper said, "I wasn't awake until I heard my name just now. Rico? Did you turn off my vibrating alarm clock?" In response, we heard a colossal snore. I slid out of bed. Sure enough, Rico was fast asleep. Skipper said, "This is truly strange- DENMARK DANES! It's eleven at night! Kowalski, analysis". Then, he put a flipper to his head. "Skipper, are you all right? What is it?"  
Skipper looked at me funny. "How did I forget? What was in that gas? Why are you looking so confu- Oh. Private, just look in Kowalski's bunk". I turned, just in time to hear a voice say, "Hologram off for reboot". That was when it all came back to me. I sat down hard. It was like a cork had been removed, and my memories from after dinner swirled back into my brain. But, you know, accompanied by a bloody horrible headache.  
A few minutes later, we had our answer. Seth analyzed the gas, and said that the memory drug in it was a drug that was known for its ability to be overcome by a variety of recall triggers. Then, he translated for the rest of us. "It's easy to beat it and remember". Then, Skipper asked another question. "Speaking of forgetting, I forgot to ask. Was your hologram among the systems affected?" Seth replied, "No, it wasn't. And before you ask, if that penguin noticed my skin wasn't solid until half an inch down, he showed literally no signs. I can remember it now, though I wasn't conscious then. So, long story short, he doesn't know I'm a robot".  
Then, it was my turn to remember what I'd forgotten. "How come when Skipper slaps you, it's not metallic? And you'd think he'd notice his flipper not meeting resistance where it should". Seth, ready as always with his answer, said, "In response to multiple questions, I have a forcefield generator, and I can only use it for small areas of my body for half a second or so at a time. It's a massive power guzzler, but it can fake textures like feathers". **(I just needed to get those questions answered to be happy. Sorry for doing it awkwardly in the middle of the scene.)**  
Rico, who'd been listening quietly, finally decided to speak up. "Yapp Yappity Yap!" I wanted to know the answer to that myself, so I turned to Skipper. "Skipper, I want answers. WHO AMBUSHED US? And yes, I shouted".  
Skipper sighed. "You three deserve to know. But not right now. My head is pounding. Ask again in the morning". I couldn't help noticing that he refused to meet my eyes.  
Seth, not listening, said, "Wait, you guys were out cold before he said? He was talking about how you guys knew him, and stuff like that".  
I was annoyed. "My ears were covered! Anything ELSE you'd like to share, Seth?" Seth's next words shocked me. Right to my hypercute core. "Skipper called him Johnson…"  
I dragged Skipper away from his bunk, sat him at the table, and folded my flippers. "Skipper. I am not a happy penguin right now. Now, will you please tell me what the heck is the deal with Manfredi and Johnson?"  
Skipper looked at us. He looked for a long time. Then, he said, sounding far older than usual, "It was back before any of you. It was me, Kowalski, and them. Just the four of us. It was a whole different unit back then. Manfredi ran internet coverup and base-side support. Johnson, well, he was more of a ninja than a commando. Kowalski, he was the same old Kowalski we know. And-and then there was me.

You have to understand, we operated in silence. How could we not? We had three fighters, one was hopeless, and one needed the element of surprise to win anything. We never blew stuff up. And if a tough decision had to be made, I had to make it in a matter of seconds. Without anyone else's input. So I was to blame for everything. The screwups, the mistakes, even Kowalski's inventions failing. And… and the deaths. That's why I'm Denmark's Public Enemy Number One, because I had to decide between the open faced sandwich and the dame. And we are NOT getting into the details of that particular decision now. It's why Blowhole hates me most. And it's why… It's why I couldn't make the necessary choice that day.

**Okay, I want to apologize in advance. I'm leaving on vacation, and I don't have my computer. I also won't have data, so I'll only be able to post if I have the patience to get to a place with wifi and post from my phone. I'll admit that I'm posting from my phone now, but I still have data for a few more hours.**

**I mean, I'll probably post anyway, but I'm covering all my bases.**

**I'd also like to apologize for the filler chapter. The next one IS written, and I'm telling you now, it explains Manfredi and Johnson.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I am doing this from the hotel room, having just gotten in. The only word that describes me right now is obsessed. But hey! You guys earned it. 200 hits! So, here it is. The story of Manfredi and Johnson.**

**Now, I want to warn you all. I personally think this chapter is horrid. It's a flashback, wrapped in written at 11:30 at night, all tied together with "GO TO BED NOW!" and the resulting rushed-ness. Dunked in overused, cliches, and overused cliches. And the core of it all is something I've never written before. Emotionally scarring backstory! (Phineas and ferb reference, there). Anyway, if you have suggestions on how to fix this mess, want to point out the gaping plot hole I'm convinced exists but can't find anywhere, or want to reassure me that you actually liked it, feel free. If you want to flame, please don't. Pretty please?**

Chapter ten

SKIPPER  
"Behold! The copying machine!" the inventor cried. I couldn't believe my earholes. "Are you saying you called this meeting because you reinvented a way to copy paper images that we can't even read more often than not?" Kowalski looked annoyed. Once again, we'd spoiled his moment. "Skipper, it copies anything perfectly!" I was not impressed. "So it's a three-dimensional printer. Big whoop". Kowalski grumbled, and then grabbed the others. He shoved them inside. "KOWALSKI! LET US OUT! IT'S NOT TESTED ON SENTIENTS YET!" That was Manfredi. He might have been a great hacker, but he was a subpar inventor. So, he just learned everything about Kowalski's inventions. I guess his life's goal was to get into Invexpo, or something.  
"Kowalski, this is my warning look. Get the others out of that thing. NOW!" Then, I noticed something odd. Kowalski looked… weird. There was something off about him. I walked closer. He was so busy modifying that he didn't even see me. Then, it hit me. His eyes looked tinged with red. He had a cut on his flipper. There was a broken vial on the floor. The label said, "Red Lychee".**(I know it's overused, and I don't care one bit.) **It didn't take being Kowalski to figure it out. He'd been holding it, it had shattered, it had cut him, and it had gotten into his bloodstream. I knew he was a mad scientist, but I also knew he wasn't crazy enough to drink it.  
At that moment, the machine glowed with an intense blue light. It was too bright! The last thing I saw was Manfredi banging on the door.  
When I woke up, there was a face just outside my field of vision. I made my eyes focus. It was Kowalski. "Skipper, why is my copying machine spitting out copies of Manfredi and Johnson?" That got me copies were coming out of a hatch in the side. There were dozens. And the machine just kept going. "Kowalski, I am arresting you for… Actually, you look like you're over it, and you can't technically be held accountable. Let me unlock those handcuffs for you". Kowalski looked like he was about to ask a question, but then he spotted Manfredi and Johnson banging on the front. He ran to the machine, punched a few buttons, and looked like he might be sick. "Skipper, what on earth have I done? It's programmed to keep making copies, and the copies are-" He stopped, and a tear rolled down his cheek. "The copies are evil. What have I done? Why would I do that? Am I a double agent? Is this really my fault?"  
I took charge. "Red lychees. Now, get them out of that thing! I'm going to go find something to smash it with". Kowalski looked relieved. He also looked like he was about to object to his creation being smashed, but then thought better of it. He opened the front, and the others jumped out. I brought over a crowbar, and smashed the machine. There were now several hundred penguins in the HQ. I pushed a lockdown button, and a cage sprang up around the copies. And then it hit me. **(man, I need to stop saying that. "And then it hit me". Why do I keep saying it, anyway? I mean, what's so great about those five words? Seriously…)**  
"They're evil. We have several hundred evil operatives in our HQ. The protocols say- they say that we have to kill them all. One can go in a max security prison. But there's only so many prisons that accept animals. Those bureaucrats want us to commit mass murder! Well, I won't do it! Kowalski, options". The tall penguin made a picture frame with his flippers, jotted down notes, did a brief headstand, and jotted down more notes. Then, he looked up.  
"Skipper, we can't possibly keep them here! It just won't work. We kill them, or we set them free. It's that simple". I looked down. Then, I had a bright idea. **(It just doesn't have the same flair as "and then it hit me" does. "Then, I had a bright idea". Nope.)** "What about the bad-luck-inator? It can keep them from meeting their rendezvous partner to give away our secrets, they'll never run into us, and we won't have to kill one of them!" Kowalski shuffled his feet. "Well, Skipper, it's too powerful. We wouldn't kill them, but they would die all the same".  
I had hoped for a quiet couple of days as I sorted out my own internal conflict. So why did fate make me do this now? I knew there was only one way to do this according to the rulebook, but I just couldn't. Suddenly, I heard the distinctive sound of raygun fire. I dove behind a crate, but it was just Kowalski, shooting the clones with the bad-luck-inator. I slapped Kowalski. "What are you doing, soldier? Did I order you to shoot them?"  
Kowalski paused. He deliberately turned to face me. Then, he suddenly and unexpectedly slapped me back. "Kowalski? What the-" Kowalski looked at me. Then, he said, "Skipper. Your guilt for...everything...is eating you alive. It's not that hard to tell. So, with all due respect, I suggest you shut your trap and let me take the guilt for this one. It's already my fault. I should have to deal with the guilt of their deaths. You need a break. Go learn to live with your other crimes. I can deal with this one".  
I was too stunned to speak. I'd never had someone understand my issues before. I walked to my bunk. I methodically lay down. And then I started to cry.  
BRIEF JUMP TO THIRD PERSON  
A minute later, Kowalski finished and let them outside. They dispersed, except the fifteen that had been trampled in the mad rush for freedom. Kowalski had never expected it to work quite so well. He quietly set up a program to track them and record their ends. He knew Skipper would still feel guilty, and he had a feeling he'd need to tell him how it happened to fix things.  
Manfredi and Johnson were stunned. "You just sentenced our clones to death! If we'd been evil, would you have zapped us too? Kowalski, when Skipper snaps out of it, tell him we left. We're not coming back".

"Manfredi and Johnson were never seen again, but their clones were. Every last clone died. And I learned to live with myself. I forced myself to watch the tapes. The day spa incident. The piranhas. In the end, it became a scar that never quite healed. I joked about it to hide the pain. I used them as examples. Only Kowalski ever understood. And that is why I didn't want to TALK ABOUT THIS!"  
Private broke the silence. He said, "Skipper, I am so sorry I asked. If there's anything I can do, just-" I snapped at him. "You can never speak to me about this again, and you can LEAVE ME ALONE! I… I need some time".  
And I, their leader, who could get through anything without losing my cool, walked to my bunk and cried.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi guys! So, we passed 300 hits while I was asleep, and that means that it's time for me to get up off my butt and post! Also, my next hotel might not have Wifi, so lets all hope for the best but expect the worst, AKA me not posting until I get home.**

Chapter eleven  
KING JULIEN  
"And why exactly would I help you? I mean, I don't believe in these 'water spirits'. So what's in it for me?" I couldn't believe the royal ears.  
"First of all, I am de king. Second of all, de brainy penguin is a threat to the world, and he's brain-wash-ed the rest of them into not noticing with his science doohickeys! Third of all, *pulls mort away from what he was doing, shaping his face with his hands to look adorable* PLEEEEASE! Look at this adorable face, begging you to help!"  
Darla clicked her fingers, and several sparks went flying. "Well, I need to get some excess magic out of my system, so... I guess I can cast a basic disguise remover on Kowalski. But just the one spell, y'hear?" I nodded, and scampered over to the penguin feed bowl. I shoved it aside, fell in, and was greeted by a strange sight.  
The brainy one and the throwuppy-blowuppy **(eh? eh?)**one were at a table. Rico was slumped over, fast asleep. The brainy one, on the other hand, looked wide awake. I smiled. It's hard to get a confession out of a penguin-no, out of a water spirit- who's sleeping in. The cute one was hunched over the annoying and bossy one, who appeared to be in his bunk.  
"What is with the sleeping in? Doesn't Skipper realize it's eleven in the morning?"  
The water spirit who I had once known as Kowalski stood up so fast, I could barely see him move. "Sweet monosaccharides! How did you get in here?  
I laughed. "It's funny, actually. None of you silly penguins tried to stop me. I guess you were all too busy napping. Late night?"  
The spirit nodded. "It was, well, um, SKIPPER! Ringtail's gotten in! Aren't you going to get rid of him?  
Skipper, to my eternal astonishment, only said "Ringtail, please leave. I don't want you here. Same time next week?"  
I actually felt a little bad for the bossy one. He was clearly in a bad way after the water spirit's latest memory tampering. But I had a duty to perform, and I was going to save the world from the brainy one no matter the cost.  
"Darla? Can you get on with the backwoodsy-magicy thingy? I need to show them the truth".  
Darla came down the ladder. She murmured something under her breath, and then frowned. She murmured it again. I sidled up to her, and whispered, "Is something wrong? You haven't made him show himself!" Darla shushed me, and murmured some more.

PRIVATE  
I quietly promised Skipper I'd be right back. I hadn't gotten a wink of sleep all night, but I didn't care. Skipper was feeling severely depressed, and for once having a friendship-tip giving Lunacorn was considered a good thing by the others. Well, technically, Rico had fallen asleep already when I pulled out Princess Self-Respectra, so I didn't know his opinion on it, but I didn't much care. Julien and the zoo's resident baboon magician were up to something, and Seth was walking towards me very quickly.  
I whispered, "What is it? Are they representing an angry mob bent on killing us all for something we didn't do?" But the real answer was far worse. "My hologram systems are failing. It seems to be because of that baboon. If Julien sees who I am, it probably won't end well. Distract him while I run for it!"  
I waddled towards Julien. "Want some, er, tea and biscuits?" Julien responded crossly, "I am not drinking of anything prepared in the presence of that monster. Speaking of which, I need to follow him now. Bye!"  
I blocked his path. "No, please, don't! It's dangerous back there. That's his laboratory". Julien responded like he was talking to Mort. "You have been brain-wash-ed by that thing. You do not know who he really is!"  
I was out of options. "Yes, Julien, I do. I know he's not Kowalski. I know he's-" Suddenly, I felt a stinging slap. Skipper**?!** finished my sentence for me. "-Classified. Now, Ringtail, I suggest you leave. And don't go thinking you can prove what Private just said. Honestly, he's had too many peanut butter winkies. That's all. Now, scoot.  
Julien wasn't listening. "You know he is of the water spirits, and still you protect him? You have made an enemy of King Julien this day, penguin. And mark my words, you will regret it". With that, he turned and stormed off, dragging Darla behind him.  
I turned, to ask Skipper why he'd taken an interest in life again, but the words died in my throat. "So, yeah. I'm not Skipper. And if you pretend that 'you didn't see anything', I can help you get your real leader back. Name's Manfredi, by the way". This from the penguin in the Skipper suit, standing between our sleeping leader and our sleeping demolitions expert. I shook his flipper. "Nice to finally meet you, Manfredi. So, you got a plan?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok, so we passed 100 visitors, this hotel has Wifi, and I'm not busy. So, a chapter!**

Chapter twelve  
SKIPPER

I trudged to the bathroom. Now that the others were all taking a nap, with the exceptions of Seth and Private, who weren't here right now, I had decided that I really ought to use the toilet.  
As I was washing my hands, I got that feeling that someone was watching me. I looked in the mirror. Nope, nobody sneaking up behind me. Just the feeling. I shrugged, and so did my reflection. And then, it reached out and slapped me.  
I was instantly reminded of Kowalski and the clones, but I forced the thoughts away as I dropped into a fighting stance. My reflection, however, was not deterred. It said, "Now, I don't mean to go all Buck Rockgut on you, but PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, CUPCAKE! You're moping about something that you already got over once. It was years ago! You have a job to do, soldier! Your team needs you, Kowalski most of all. Now get your butt in gear!"  
I felt each word like a slap. I had let my team down, and I had tried to pretend I hadn't, but really, I could only fix it by not letting them down going forward. So I was sad. I could be sad on my off day! I was the only one who could lead my team to save Kowalski. And Kowalski could help me cope. He had last time.  
"I will, just as soon as I punch whoever it really is I'm talking to into next week. The bathroom mirror? Really? So cliché".  
That's when everything went black.

PRIVATE  
I couldn't believe Skipper hadn't noticed me sneaking up behind him with the needle. I mean, I thought he had needle radar. He could sense a needle from a mile away, normally.  
"And you're sure this will make him think this last hour was just a dream?" I queried to Manfredi. He laughed. "Positive, my little friend. Now, I won't wipe you, just in case I need an inside man next time I help save your butts. But I'm afraid I will have to knock you out, so-"  
"Wait! Why did you make us forget, before? I mean, that was really rude!" Manfredi laughed again. "Budget cuts. It was our only knockout gas in stock. I suppose we should've given you the antidote to the memory bit, but Johnson left it behind. Now, Kowalski will be back from wherever he went any time now, so I'm going to have to-"  
"Haven't you been watching us? That's not Kowalski!" For the first time, Manfredi looked truly shocked. "Care to elaborate?" he said in an unsteady voice. So, I told him about Seth and Penguin 2.0.

"And so I need you to hack something for us. It'll save a life, and at the price of only a few minutes of your life!" Manfredi looked at me like I'd grown fingers. "Why in the world would I save Kowalski's life? He's a mass murderer, even when he isn't nearly vaporising the eastern seaboard! Didn't Skipper tell you that part of the story?"  
I felt sick. "Manfredi, you fully well know that Skipper did! But if Kowalski did do that, which I agree is a horrid way to dispose of evil clones with sensitive intel, he's changed since then! He wouldn't do that now. Why won't you save his life, and get him court martialled or something?"  
Manfredi looked at me pityingly. "There's a reason you're only a Private first class. You're still naive. You don't just do that in this world of betrayals and escapes we live in. Put Kowalski in jail and turn around, and poof! He's out. Whether through prison break or because he's been released. No, I won't save him".  
I gave up. "Well, I can't make you. But if you have to knock me out, at least do it quickly, and don't-". But I never got a chance to finish.

**Well, well, well. The one hacker who could save Kowalski won't save Kowalski because of past wrongs. How very interesting.**

**And now, a brand new act to our show, the characters themselves state their opinions on the chapter!**

**Skipper: zzzzz (Well, he just got knocked out. What do you expect?)**

**Private: zzzzz (Uhh... Crud. Him too?)**

**Me: Well, maybe next time they'll have something to say.**

**Fred: Hey, don't I get a turn?**

**Me: What the- you aren't supposed to be here! **

**Fred: Yeah...**

**Me: Do you even HAVE anything to say?**

**Fred: Well, I could say REVIEW! but it seems a little overused. How about, 'If you want to review, go right ahead'?**

**Me: Nah. Go gather some acorns, or take a nap, but whatever you do, GET OUT OF MY HOTEL ROOM!**

**Fred: Okay! Geez.**

**Me: Note to self: Get door lock. Preferably titanium-reinforced.**


	13. Chapter 13

**This is my third attempt to post this. Sorry its so short.**

Chapter thirteen  
MARLENE  
"QUIET! I am de king, and I am deserving of the respectyness!" Nobody even heard him. The zooveneir shop was too loud from the whining and snoring of the animals, having been woken up before the penguins.  
Maurice sidled up to me. "Please! Help! If this meeting isn't over before the penguins wake-up time, Julien will be soooo mad... And it can't start until everyone's listening!" I turned to him. "Why me? I just want to go back to bed, personally". Maurice reached up, catching Mort in the aftermath of a "FEEEET!" episode, just before he hit the wall. **(AKA he got kicked.)** Then, he held up the lemur, puppy dog eyes and all. Mort, seemingly oblivious, said "Yay! I'm a guilt-inducing way of getting help!"  
I sighed, and found a zooveneir megaphone, which I handed to Maurice, who handed it to Julien. He made an "I owe you one" gesture, as Julien tried out his megaphone. "QUIET!" This time, the shop was silent.  
Julien placed the megaphone on the shelf, and said, "Now. As you may not be aware, I called this meeting before de penguins wake up to discuss them. They are protecting someone very evil, who we always thought was Kowalski, and they know he is evil! Now, this obviously means they are also evil, and-" I couldn't stop myself. "Them? Evil? Sorry, but I don't believe you. I mean, Skipper would never-"  
Julien held up a hand. "Save all questions until the end, please. Now, de first evidencey thing. This recording! I taped it just yesterday, when I confronted the penguins. On their own tape recorder, no less! Now, listen.  
"I know he's not Kowalski. I know he's-" *slap* "-Classified. Now, Ringtail, I suggest you leave".  
I couldn't believe my ears. Kowalski, an enemy? The penguins, they wouldn't! Would they? Julien shouted, "So who's ready to go confront those penguins?" Everyone jumped up, shouting "Yeah!" Then, suddenly, Bing looked like he was having an epiphany. "Hang on, I got a schedule conflict. I'm busy for the next coupla hours". Badda added, "Yeah, and I'm busy after that!" After that, the meeting became a schedulefest. I decided to leave. I wasn't sure I could confront my friends anyway, so what was the point trying to get the angry mob to happen on a day I could make it?  
I was back in my habitat, when I heard an airhorn. The penguins would be out soon for morning drills, and the zoo was deserted! The penguins would be onto the meeting faster than... Something really fast. But I could warn the meeting. The question was, should I? Or should I let the penguins have a warning about the angry mob?  
A few seconds later, I made my choice. I scampered off to the zooveneir shop.

**Me: Oh no! Marlene has sided with Julien!**

**Marlene: But I wanted to help the penguins!**

**Me: You know, I'm the author here. I've got an eraser and I'm not afraid to use it!**


	14. Chapter 14

**So I feel really bad about not uploading this for days after we hit 500 views. So, chapter 14!**

**Oh, and Seth says something kind of violent this chapter about spleens. If you get grossed out easily, sorry.**

Chapter fourteen  
SETH  
I was lying in Kowalski's bunk after my midnight stroll. I wasn't asleep. After all, I never am. I was the robot equivalent of asleep, though. So I was startled twice when Skipper woke us up. Once for being shocked out of Mode 118 by an airhorn, and once for realizing that Skipper was the one doing the waking-up.  
"Skipper, are you okay?" Skipper stopped his pacing, and set down the airhorn. He walked over to us, and said, "Listen. I'm not okay. Unless Kowalski can bring Manfredi and Johnson back, I never will be. But... I'm better now than yesterday. I had a dream that put things in perspective, and I'm ready to fight again.  
Any other questions?" Private raised his hand. "Yes, Private?" Private promptly asked to use the toilet. Skipper gestured for him to go, and asked, "Any other REAL questions? No? Thank you. Now, let's go train with some push-ups and bowling pin ninjas!"  
After training, we ate breakfast. Rico chopped the fish, and Skipper's made a smiley face. "Rico, what have I told you about emotional expression through shaped fish cutting?" Rico looked guilty. "No'inn..."  
Skipper looked at it again, and said, "What the heck. Smiley faces for everyone!" I hated to interrupt. "Uh, I don't use fish as a power source. So I'll pass". Rico shot me a look, but no fish landed on my plate. The others dug in.  
A few minutes later, when the chewing slowed, I excused myself. After all, solar panels rarely work underground, and my solar lamp needed a new bulb. As I closed the fishbowl, I unfolded the solar panels from my wings, and sat down to wait. I turned on some internal classical music to help pass the time. That's why I almost missed the screaming.  
I leapt up, and used the movement to triangulate the screaming. It was coming from the base! I dove through the bowl, and was met with a startling sight. The team was laying on the floor, thrashing. It looked like a poisoning. A disembodied voice said, "So nice of you to join me, Kowalski. I just wish you'd eaten breakfast. Then, I wouldn't have to waste time fighting, and could skip straight to gloating about defeating my nemesis, Skippar". That's when I knew. Only Hans would pronounce it Skippar.  
"Come on, Hans. You totally gave yourself away with the accent". Hans slow-clapped over the speaker. "Bravo, bravo. You know who I am. Surely, somewhere in that vast intellect, you realize I don't care if I am identified?"  
I tried again. "What about your honor, Hans? There's no honor in poisoned salmon". Hans laughed. "Honor, you say? You know what I realized the other day, Kowalski? There's no honor in open-faced sandwiches. NONE! So, I poisoned them. And now, I will watch them die. Slowly. Agonizingly".  
I had long since stopped listening. Kowalski had an entire cabinet full of antidotes, and I could only hope he had a cure. No such luck. Then, a lightbulb hit me.  
I ran out, and picked up the radio. "Hans, I'm coming to find you. This radio is weak. You have to be in this zoo to be talking to me. Now, I know for a fact that you are in the reptile house, thanks to the warm-blooded-o-tron, and-" Hans sounded like he fell down laughing. "The-reptile-house! Sooo-funny! You think you're soooo smart! Why would you think I was there?"  
I smirked. "I didn't. I just needed you laughing for the Laugh-finder 3000 to lock on. But why would you be in Alice's office? Hans didn't respond, other than through the sound of him running at top speed. But the Laugh finder had locked on, and nothing could change its tracking settings short of a code, a verbal password, and a retinal scan. I belly-slid at top speed, and in under thirty seconds had Hans in a headlock.  
In a voice that was overly calm, I said, " Hans. I know you have the antidote, in case you managed to get dosed. You always have a backup plan. Now, we can do this the easy way, or I can tear your spleen out of your body and dissect it before your eyes as you bleed to death. You know, the hard way?"  
Hans must have seen in my holographic eyes that I would not hesitate to kill him, so he passed me a vial. I dragged him to the HQ, and chained him to a post. As an afterthought, I turned him so he couldn't see the others dying on the floor. He would probably enjoy that. I analyzed the vial, and walked out of the lab to face Hans.  
"Well, it seems there is honor in open-faced sandwiches after all. This is the real antidote!" I promptly dosed the others, and put them in bed to recover. But when I turned around, Hans was gone, and a note was on the floor where he had been.  
_Sorry we didn't get here sooner. Taking Hans to prison, so he doesn't get away. Our deepest apologies that your team almost died, Seth.  
Johnson_

**So I'm terrified right about now. Why? Thanks for asking. See, I'm starting high school on monday the 9th. So, hate to break it to you, but chapters will probably be less frequent in the coming months as I struggle to adapt and just generally am busy doing homework.**

**Now, opinions from characters!**

**Oh, wait. Rico, Skipper and Private are asleep from poison. Johnson is off taking Hans to jail. I guess that just leaves Seth, and I have no clue what he'd say about all this. Mostly because I'm exhausted from a long day.**

**Blowhole: Peng-u-in!**

**Me: Listen, I don't have time for this. You weren't in this chapter, I want to go to bed, and I'M NOT EVEN A 'PENG-U-IN'! Now get out of my house, and patch the hole in the wall behind you.**

**Blowhole: Well, come to think of it, I don't want to get the eraser of doom used on me, so... BYE!**

**Me: THE HOLE! YOU FORGOT THE- Ugh, he's gone. Well, I'll just write that Blowhole fixed it, and it'll be all better.**

**SUDDENLY BLOWHOLE FIXES THE HOLE IN MY WALL.**

**There. That wasn't so hard.**


	15. Chapter 15

**So, I'm back with a chapter at the 600 view milestone. Fyi, I will still post if we don't reach milestones. But lets reach them anyway!**

Chapter fifteen  
SKIPPER  
"So what you're *cough* saying is, either Johnson is psychic, or someone told him who you are". I was sitting in the HQ, wrapped in a blanket, while Seth debriefed me on what I'd missed while I was writhing in agony on the floor.  
Rico and Private were doing fairly well after being poisoned, but I was somehow as weak as a hatchling. Weaker, maybe. Seth had assured me that it was temporary, but it still made me feel... I couldn't articulate it. I guess I felt unfit to lead. I couldn't even lift up Private, and he was lighter than me! How was I supposed to fight? How was I supposed to do anything? I just felt stuck. Thanks a lot, iron constitution!  
I pulled myself back to the present. "Men, if Johnson has contacted you, please step forward now". There was no response. I was sure it wasn't me, and I didn't think the men would lie to me. Before I could draw any conclusions, I was interrupted by- _"Circulation, Takes nutrition, To your cells, And gets rid of, Carbon dioxide, Waste as well-"_ The song ended abruptly as Seth grabbed the object playing it off a high-up shelf.  
"Since when does Kowalski have a phone?" I inquired of Seth. He just shrugged. Then, he looked at the screen, and wordlessly passed it to me. The screen was a mess of ones and zeros. "And this means...?"  
Seth sighed. "Binary, Skipper, binary. It's what computers are programmed in. Thing is , this isn't computer code. It's a message. *dramatic pause* From Kowalski.  
He didn't bother waiting for my questions. He walked over to Kowalski's clipboard and began to draw quickly. "So, technically speaking, this is impossible. He shouldn't be conscious enough to text. It must have been a failsafe. Permission to divulge sensitive intel, AKA Kowalski's text, Skipper?" As soon as a coughing fit subsided, I said, "Granted. Now spill. What's it say?"  
"If you are reading this, then something has gone wrong with the Penguin 2.0 project compiler. Type the word Lunacorn (no caps) into computer 23. Kowalski"  
"That's all?" I asked incredulously. "No way of proving that he's the one sending it? He fully well knows how paranoid I am..."  
Seth laughed. "The text originates from computer 23 itself. Who else could it be from?" I wasn't convinced. "Why didn't he just program it to type Lunacorn in itself?" Seth shrugged, and said, "Maybe it was pride. He didn't want to admit that he could mess up, so he didn't spend much time on emergency measures. He might not have known how long the compiling would take, and didn't want to do whatever the command does if it was working, just slower than he thought. Speaking of which, what the heck does the command do?"  
I walked over to the door to the secret room. "Only one way to find out! And with that, I darted inside and typed the command. "L-U-N-A-C-O-R-N. That should do it!" The others came in just in time to see me hit enter. The computers began whirring. The anticipation- and yes, fear- was palpable.  
With a sudden ding, the computers stopped whirring. A screen on the wall lit up. And on it was a very familiar digital face.  
"Kowalski! Talk to me, man! How many fingers?" I was practically screaming. I would never have admitted it, but I was terrified for my lieutenant. What if he had amnesia? What if he was insane?  
Kowalski sighed boredly. "Skipper, Skipper, Skipper. WE HAVE FLIPPERS! I am perfectly fine, thank you. In fact, I'm more worried about you. Either there are smudges on the webcam in very improbable patterns, or you are suffering from Toxin Z9 **(reference alert!) **symptom pattern two. I imagine you can't lift Private over your head?"  
"You just HAD to bring that up, Kowalski. By the way, you don't happen to know a cure, do you?" Kowalski slapped his head. "It wears off, but it doesn't get cured. Hasn't my robot gone over that already?"  
Private sounded mad. "His name is Seth! He's your best invention, and you never even named him! You named the Luv-U-Lator, you named the Nanites, you even named Jiggles, for crying out loud! Why not him?  
Kowalski shook his head slowly. "It's BECAUSE of Jiggles that I didn't name it. I can't let myself get attached again. What if I have to take it out? I couldn't do it if I was attached. Normally I could, yes, but it's my best invention yet!"  
Private was not deterred. "What if you had to take me out of the picture? We're still friends. You'll be friends with me, but not him?" I sensed things getting ugly, and stepped in to stop it, but Private shoved me aside.  
"And another thing. You call him it? IT?! I guess he doesn't have a gender, technically speaking, but 'it' is just cold. Kowalski, you are bloody horrible". And with that, Private stormed angrily outside.  
After an awkward silence, Kowalski brightly said, "Well! Who's up for a little rewiring and some guided hacking of the Internet?"  
PRIVATE  
I couldn't believe it. No, it was more like I wouldn't. But it was time to face the facts. Manfredi had been right about Kowalski. He was emotionless, at least when it came to good emotions. Bad ones? He had hatred, rage, the works.  
I turned on the transmitter I had found after being knocked out, and mentally reviewed the note. If you're in, say 'Tuna and Mackerel', and if you aren't, don't even turn it on. I said, "Tuna and Mackerel". A voice came over the speaker, slightly tinny. "Good job, kid. Now, here's what I need you to do..."  
SKIPPER  
A few minutes after I finished lecturing Kowalski, I heard Private come back. He plopped down next to me, and asked in a loud voice, "So, what can I do to help?" Kowalski's digitally reconstructed head replied with its digitally reconstructed voice, saying, "Go get the puce wire labelled 137, and plug the hexagonal end into the forest green outlet on computer 52, for starters".  
Private looked as though he'd just had a revelation. "Oh, sorry. I forgot to mention that I'm not speaking to Kowalski until he apologizes to Seth. I'll just go sit in a corner, I guess". And with that, he walked off.  
Rico voiced all our opinions a few seconds later. "O-aay...?"

And we returned to rewiring.

**Omg what's Private doing? Well, you'll see eventually.**

**Seth: Hey, why didn't I get a line in the argument about my name?**

**Me: Because I forgot you existed while I wrote that scene, okay?**

**Private: No, that is not okay!**

**Me: Sorry.**

**Kowalski: FINALLY! I can speak my mind! I've been waiting so long for this day... The day I would be in a chapter with character comments! But SOMEONE had to write their favorite character out of half their fanfic..**

**Me: First off, the character comments have only existed for three other chapters. Second of all, Skipper's had only the line zzzzzz, same goes for Private, and Rico and Seth have had NONE. So you know what? Be quiet.**

**Kowalski: But I'm your favorite! Plus, Seth and Private had lines this character comments section.**

**Me: Those two things are both true, though you're pushing your luck. So fine. You can have... *drumroll* the two lines you've already had this character comments section!**

**The song Circulation is by the Schoolhouse Rock people, not me.**


	16. Chapter 16

**This chapter is vitally important to plotline. So, of course, it utterly stinks. Now, if by some miracle you actually like it, understand that it looks worse and worse to me every time I read it. Anyway, enjoy if you can. WARNING: OOCness and more approaching!**

**Seriously though, I'm sorry for falling off the face of the earth for so long. I've read fanfics whose authors left for five months, but honestly, they drove me nuts. And now, having said that, I have to restrain myself from whining at a certain author who probably isn't reading this to please post. *COUGH Cudabear COUGH* *COUGH the power of silence COUGH* *COUGH PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE COUGH* Anyway, as consolation for me having been abducted by aliens who don't have WIFI, I will publish my second fanfic as soon as I finish posting this chapter! Yayyyyyyyy!...!...!... Okay, I'm done here.**

Chapter sixteen

SKIPPER

At last, the rewiring and the coding were done. As I typed in the activation code for our homemade computer virus, I said, "You know, Kowalski, never thought I'd say this, but I've come to realize over the past few hours of frantic coding just how much you do for this team, and I just wanted to let you know how thankful I am". Kowalski smirked. "Skipper, I AM coming back. Stop worrying". Reassured, I hit enter.

Through a miracle of hacking that I will never hope to understand, the entire Internet was under our thumb in the space of five seconds. Kowalski couldn't be there to help us with the last steps, but his instructions were. First and foremost on the list was 'no looking at government sites' which was a major bummer. Of course, if we hoped to finish before the Pentagon cut us off, we needed to not get sidetracked.

"Private! Start typing! Rico! Flip that switch! I've got me an Internet to rewrite".

After three hours, Kowalski was in the final stages of compiling. We were all a bit terrified, and it showed. How were we supposed to know that this would really work? Private was watching the Lunacorns, obsessively hugging his stuffed toy; Rico had gone outside, and every now and then we heard "MY CAR!" being screamed. I could only assume C4. Seth was cleaning Kowalski's lab for the fifth time, though there was no dust in the place; and I was two hours and fifty-nine minutes into a workout routine.

We were all on edge, so when I heard footsteps on the island above us, I nearly decapitated Rico as he came back from his grenade target practice. "Warn me next time you sneak in, Rico!"

Private turned away from his hippie mush, saying, "But he wasn't sneaking, Skippah! You really need to calm down-" I interrupted him, yelling, "I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!" A stunned silence enveloped the room, though that was probably just hearing loss due to the volume of my outburst. Yeah, it was that loud.

A small DING interrupted my thoughts. The kind of ding that represents completion. Without a word, we raced into the hidden room of Kowalski's lab. The cylinder door opened on its own. And out collapsed Kowalski.

KOWALSKI

I woke up slowly. The first thing to come to me was a feeling of contentment. Soon after, I heard the shocked gasps, and saw the expressions of profound relief. I was confused. All I had done was blink...

And then it all came back. I sat up, apprehensive. "Guys?" The team was immediately hugging me extremely tightly. As I felt myself running out of oxygen, a little light popped up in my vision saying the exact same thing. I felt the osmosis-panels on my head begin to absorb oxygen out of the air, and returned the hug. "It's good to be back, Skipper. By the way, you're constricting my airflow".

Skipper and the others released me, embarrassed, and I began basic diagnostics. "Well, I can stop filtering oxygen through my skin now, given my lungs are functioning properly... Basic speech patterns all seem normal, but I need to do the full checkup on everything. So, la la la la la la la la la la! Z. Yep, working.

Senses are functioning at 77% current capacity, 512% previous, though smell is a bit lower, so I'll have to calibrate that. Now, the real test. Rico, could you please be here to catch me if I fall? I need to test basic motor skill function".

Rico got into position. I slid my legs over the edge of the bed, and stood on the floor. I could count the number of bumps on the floor under my foot. I slowly stepped forward, and when nothing went wrong, went ahead and began to walk. A few seconds later, my brain augmentations for superspeed kicked in. I felt everything around me slow down as my brain sped up. Rico was moving in slow motion. I laughed with joy, and ran. I ran outside, noticing that inertia was different at this sped-up frame of mind. I did three laps around the zoo, just for fun, and blurred back into the HQ. Rico's head turned towards me, a comical look of surprise on his slowly moving face. I felt great. I hadn't felt this much energy in years! Well, not counting the experimental power cell's energy. That reminded me. I had some inventing to do.

SKIPPER

One second, Kowalski was tentatively trying out his new body, and the next, a penguin blur ran out of the HQ. "I guess it's working, then". A second later, Kowalski breezed back inside, then appeared to slow back down to normal speed. "I'm going to go invent something. If you need me, knock!" And with that, a blurry afterimage was all that remained. The laboratory door closed behind him.

Private broke the awkward silence. "Skippah, can I get my superspeed now? Please?" I slapped him. "When this blows up in our faces, I'll need all the help I can get". Kowalski shouted, "I spent months on this! I'm not going to blow up!" I made a mental note that Kowalski 's hearing truly had gotten 512% better.

A few seconds later, an explosion came from inside the lab. I suddenly found myself across from the habitat in the lemur exhibit. Kowalski was apologizing profusely at a speed I couldn't comprehend. He slowed down, saying "I forgot to adjust my mental timing to superspeed, and I induced the reaction a bit early. Had to carry you out before the fumes got you. But I think... they managed to get me, because of my proximity". Then, he swayed drunkenly and collapsed.

KOWALSKI

I woke up all at once. Skipper was leaning over me. "Kowalski! Status report". I rubbed my stinging eyes. "Sir, I honsetly don't know if I'm okay. Quiz me. Ask me something you know the answer to, but make it from a while ago. Six or more months would be optimal".

Skipper frowned in thought. "What was, I don't know, Private's mini-golfer name?"

"Mr. Tux. Another one?"

"Hmm, let me think… Ooh! Who was my 'spirit guide' when I had amnesia?"

"You said it was Alex, but I still don't believe you. Good one, though. Ask another!"

"How... did... the 'psychic chicken' predict the sports results?"

"Well, Skipper, she simply used a type of math that humans haven't even named yet, involving pictures as well as numbers- wait. Psychic… Chicken?" I suddenly felt light-headed, and as I sat down on the lemur bouncy, I saw that a lone red alert light was blinking in the corner of my vision. "Skipper, you need to run. Now. I've been com- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! Good Galileo that hurts! Skip- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCHIE!"

SKIPPER

I watched in fear as my lieutenant writhed in pain, thinking through his last coherent words. "Kowalski! Talk to me! Communicated with? Complimented? Combatted? Combined? Commercial? Compared? Compensated? Composted? Communist? Tell me it's not communist. Oh, could it be compiled? That would make sense. But what does that have to do with the Blue Hen?"

KOWALSKI

As Skipper stood there, not running away, I went for more drastic measures. The warning light indicated I didn't have much time. I slapped Skipper to get his attention, sucked in a long breath, and screamed one last time. "COMPROMISED!"

And then time and memory ceased for me.


	17. Chapter 17

**This chapter may start out a little weird, but bear with me.**

Suddenly, time froze. Skipper looked around, confused. Only he was unfrozen. Why had this happened?

A revelation came. He had never truly believed in God, but God was speaking to him! Or... A god. The god called itself Ems602. It said it was one of many gods, all of which were referred to as writers. It then told him what it needed him to say.

"Okay, so... I'm supposed to say that the next chapter will not be posted until at least December because of... What the heck is NaNoWriMo? Ohh, it's a writer thing. National Novel Writing Month, Ems602 called it. Anyway, she won't be on Fanfiction, but she will still see all the encouraging comments and PMs. So, yeah.

What does all that even mean? Oh- Oh no. Oh, please no. Oh, this can't be happening. I-I can't not exist! I can't be a novel! I know I'm real! I-" Suddenly, time restarted and Skipper lost all his memory of the event.

**Skipper: Oh, come on! I cannot believe I had to follow such an idiotic script. Why wouldn't you let me break the fourth wall and/or character?**

**Me: Because I needed to post my authors note in the form of a chapter to follow Fanfiction's rules. Now don't make me pull the allmighty pen on you. Go clean my room or something, make yourself useful. I've got 32,000 words to prepare to write.**


End file.
